Computer Problems and\or Advice 2008 to 2011

[Michael J Campbell]

Run this through the spell checker on your computer and find out if it  is working correctly.

Eye halve a spelling chequer.

I have a spelling chequer,
It came with my pea sea,
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye cannot sea.

When eye strike a quay, right a word,
I weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar wright
It shows me strait aweigh.

As soon as a mist ache is maid
I nose bee fore two late
And eye can put the error rite
Its rarely, rarely grate.

I've run this poem threw it
I'm shore your pleased two no,
Its letter perfect in it's weigh
My chequer tolled me sew.

[Lvandelft]

Michael, nu ye see what wonderful machines computers are.
Your English is almost as good as mine...

[Anthony Darby]

How about this?

ONLY THE ENGLISH COULD HAVE INVENTED THIS LANGUAGE !

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men,
Then shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?
Then one may be that, and three would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!

 
Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;
neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England.
We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes,
we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square,
and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing,
grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.
If you have a bunch of odds and ends
and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English
should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a
recital?
We ship by truck but send cargo by ship.
We have noses that run and feet that smell.
We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway.
And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,
while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language
in which your house can burn up as it burns
down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out,
and in which an alarm goes off by going on.
And, in closing, if Father is Pop,  how come Mother's not Mop?

 

[Michael J Campbell]

 

[Lvandelft]

Anthony for the part I understood I say: Great Poem

 

[Anthony Darby]

What about Scots?

Hey, Daddy, wid ye get us a dug ?
A big broon alsation ur a wee white pug ?
Ur a skinny wee terrier, ur a big fat collie?
Aw, daddy,get us a dug.  Will yi ?

Whit! An' whose dug'll it be when it durties the flerr,
An' wets the carpet and messes the sterr?
Its me ur yer mammy'll be tane furra mug.
Away oot'n play.  Yer no getting a dug.

But daddy thur gi'en them away
Down therr at the SSPCA.
Yu'll get wan fur nothin, so ye will.
Aw. Daddy, get us a dug, Will ye?

Dji hear um?  Oan aboot dugs again?
Ah think that yins goat dugs'n the brain.
Ah know whit yu'll get: a skite oan the lug
If ah hear ony merr aboot this bloomin dug.

Aw, Daddy, it widny be dear tae keep
An'ah'd make it a basket fur it tae sleep.
An'ah'd take it fur runs away ower the hull.
Aw, Daddy, get us a dug.  Will ye?

A doan't think thurs embdy like you:
Yi could wheedle the twist oot a flamin' corkscrew.
Noo! Get doon aff my neck.  Gies nane a yur hugs.
Aw right.  THAT'S ANUFF. Ah'll get yi a dug.


Aw Daddy.  A dug. A dug

[gote]

Anthony,
Thereaintnosichanimal as a logical language except
IDO, Esperanto and Wolapük.
All real languages are illogical because they contain the traces of jokes, puns, poems, speeches, loan words etc ad infinitum.
That is what makes them living, interesting and media for arts and feelings.
If I were a native English speaker i would here give examples.
The above three were in that respect stillborn.
And, being a teacher, you know this 
Göte

[gote]

The workshop burnt down last month but yesterday it burnt up again 
(Literal translation from Swedish actually)
Göte

[TC]

More moans.  For some reason, I have lost windows explorer on Vista.  The games programs (solitaire) would not open so I tried System restore and got an error message OX81000202. System restore has disappeared.  After checking out what this message means, I am instructed to open up Control Panel.  When I opened this there was nothing there!  The fault seems to be a non Microsoft "windows safety alert" that has arrived on my system despite Malware detection programs.  It looks as if I am going to have to reinstall Vista - oh joy !!  At the same time I will have to reinstall XP as I cannot get any sound despite trying everything I could think of and and finally handing the problem to an I.T. specialist who also failed after working on it for two hours.  I think I will go and eat worms.

[gote]

TC, If you are hungry, I suggest that a hamburger is better than worms.
There is always the possibility to buy a new hard disk, install that one as C: and install a new OS on it. Your Computer Guru can do this for you. This post is NOT a manual of how to do it.
The OS will find all your data in the old disk. The result of the excercise is that you have double the storage capacity and can backup onto the other disk.
Of course if you have a laptop this is rarely an option.
The other day I was contemplating buying an assemble-it-yourself computer from the major independent mail-order computer supplier here. It comes without OS.
I looked at the prices. XP costs more than twice the price of Vista. Obviously they have difficulties in getting rid of Vista.
I wanted to convert some vinyl records to CD and looked what would be available. XP can do it with a microsoft extension. However: Microsoft have discontinued selling that for XP. Obviously Mr Macrohard tries to force us to an "upgrade". It seems to me that Vista is the Ford Edsel of operating systems. Some people DID/DO drive edsels I saw one on theroad last year.
Good luck
Göte
PS
I downloaded some shareware that did the vinyl job for me in an excellent way.

[Anthony Darby]

Patience, Tom.

[TC]

Göte

I have Vista and XP on my main 500GB, disk partitioned into C and D drives.  I have two other hard drives of 500GB each which I use as back ups for pictures etc.  In addition to this I have an external hard drive of 750 GB, as a back up of all my pictures and videos, so I have probably enough storage for most eventualities.  It is just the aggravation of having to reinstall all the programs again, all the updates, service packs, drivers etc and hope that it all works.
Not to mention reconnecting to my email account with the help?, of an operative based in Mamba.
I got my copy of XP pro OEM for £78.00.  A trawl on the net my find cheap, but genuine copies still available.

[gote]

TC
If you have several disks you can install another OS on one of them and just switch the letters. If you are unable to do this in the BiOS or wherever, you can always operate the dip-switches on the disks if there are any and/or switch position on the ribbon cable.  This will always tide you over any glitches even if you have a serious problem with your main OS. It will give you a clean instance of whatever OP you install since the new disk is clean.
Göte

[TC]

Gote

My problem is not so much reinstalling Windows but the fact I have a Trojan somewhere in my system.  Scans have not picked it up so I don't know to which file it is attached.
If I reload all my docs. videos etc, I might be re-infecting the system all over again and be back where I started from ! I will have to download different malware/trojan scanners to see if it can locate the problem and then make sure I do not transfer it back onto the system.

[gote]

TC
You are right of course.
You probably have NTFS.
Otherwise an interim solution would be to use a OS that is too "dumb" to run a trojan. (assuming that the trojan needs windows based services).
I have seen people claim that UNIX and also LINUX are malware proof.
Personally I do not know.
Göte