Good "One Liners"

[David Nicholson]

As it's a bit of a silly season at the moment hope Maggi doesn't mind this!

Here's one I heard last night.

I can't spell 'Armageddon' Still, it's not the end of the world!

[David Nicholson]

Is it just my sense of humour, I collapsed with laughter?

[mark smyth]

I must stop procrastinating - I'll start tomorrow

[Martinr]

Is it just my sense of humour, I collapsed with laughter?

Not just your sense of humour

[Gail]

Is it just my sense of humour, I collapsed with laughter?

No - I loved that one too.  I walked in when my son was watching Live at the Apollo and that one tickled me.  Did you catch the name of the comedian?  I think he said he was Canadian?

[ranunculus]

The brilliant Stewart Francis.

[TheOnionMan]

The brilliant Stewart Francis.

VERY Funny!  I like the fairy godmother joke best

[Paddy Tobin]

As with David's "Armageddon" line above, I heard this years ago: "I'd give my right hand to be ambidextrous."

Paddy

[Paddy Tobin]

One of today's newspapers reports a comment made by a caller to a radio programme during the week: "Widows in Ireland are in a no-man's land."

Paddy

[David Nicholson]

I knew you wouldn't let me down Paddy and Mark

 Yes, as Cliff said my example was from Stewart Francis who is indeed Canadian and a very funny bloke and it's worth repeating again the Link Cliff gave:-



Yes Mark I liked the fairy godmother joke too but my favourite was "I was good at History"-you've got to see the link to pick up on this one.

Tim Vine is another wonderful exponent of the "One Liner"  Exit signs! On the way out aren't they.
 

[Lesley Cox]

Some short newspaper or magazine headlines are good too, like this one -

"Adulterated erectile dysfunction products on the rise in New Zealand.

[ranunculus]

At least sales aren't drooping, Lesley!

[gote]

A famous Swedish physician said in the late 19th century:

"If people knew how healthy Cognac is, they would drink them selves dead."  (Difficult translation. Someone can do a better one?)

A somewhat later comment on the theory of relativity:

"If you run faster than light you will have a blackout."

Cheers
Göte

[Gerry Webster]

Some short newspaper or magazine headlines are good too, like this one -

"Adulterated erectile dysfunction products on the rise in New Zealand.

Not a problem in Brighton. The slogan on the lorry of a scaffold company: "Satisfaction with every erection".

[Paul T]

I've always liked....

"Sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes you're the bug!!"

Very, very true!!