Moan, moan, moan----get it off your chest or have a chat

[Lesley Cox]

Any day now

[mark smyth]

Anthony how do you say Sterling and Stirling? I found the Ranunculus I promised you

[Anthony Darby]

Sterling is pronounced 'air' as in stair. Stirling is 'ir' as in stir. What's that to do with ranunculus or Dunblane?

[Michael J Campbell]

I called into B&Q yesterday to get a few Begonia bonfire,outside the front entrance there were 13 trolleys of bedding plants all dying from lack of water. I went into the garden dept and about half of the plants there were in much the same condition. Thought they would have known better. I left without making a purchase.  There is never a water shortage in Ireland,as a matter fact we have far too much of it for my liking.
Michael.

[David Nicholson]

Michael, you now qualify for membership of my 'Don't buy anything ever again from B&Q Club. Mebership is for life and is free

[Michael J Campbell]

David, I have just become a life member, and I have added Homebase for good measure.

[David Nicholson]

'Twas not a perfect day.

As I studied my breakfast bowl of Weetabix, with rain hammering at the windows, I wondered at the similarities between the mush I had before me and the policies of our esteemed Government. As the shower was otherwise occupied I wasted precious minutes of my life doodling with my biro over a picture of Gordon Brown in the morning paper. A little moustache.-Yes! it's Charlie Chaplin. A little larger moustache. Yes! it's Stalin. A little larger moustache and a pair of specs. Yes! I've got it, it's Groucho Marx.

A voice disturbed my ramblings. 'What are you doing today love'. Gazing at the rain, still hammering, 'bugger all by the looks of it' I replied 'or I might just walk up the road towards Isambard Kingdom Brunel's viaduct and consider jumping off it'. 'I'm just going upstairs' she said. 'Why' I said. 'To check the policies and see if suicide invalidates them' she said.

I took my shower and turned to leave it. Not for the first time, I failed to raise my right leg sufficiently to clear the bath and finished in a somewhat inelegant heap on the bathroom floor accompanied by shower rail and shower curtain. Expletives rained. 'The policies cover accidents' she said.

The rain eased to a drizzle. I put on my Kagoul and went out into the garden to take a couple of pictures. There it was descending fast, already clothing Brunel's masterpiece, a dreaded Dartmoor mist. 'Have you got the phone' I said. 'Why' she said. 'I want to ring the BBC to see if they are interested in filming "The Hound of the Baskervilles" this afternoon because they can use my garden to do the shooting'.

Ah! I thought, I shall put my Kagoul back on and walk down to the Post Office I have a small parcel to post, and did so. When I arrived at the Post Office I found myself with Kagoul, but without said parcel and wallet both of which I had put down on the kitchen table in order to put on Kagoul.

When I finally acheived my posting ambitions and got back home-'I've made some buns' she said. 'Coconut buns'. 'I don't like coconut' I said. 'Gareth does' (my son who works in London) she said 'and he's home tomorrow for a couple of days'.

'What are we having for tea' I said. 'Stew and dumplings' she said. 'My favourite' I said. 'I didn't put it on until I was sure you weren't coming home via the Viaduct' she said.

I bought a Lottery ticket whilst I was out. Will I win? Fat chance.

'Twas not a perfect day, but the stew was nice.

[ChrisB]

    

[Maggi Young]

Bless you, David, your tale of woe has served to cheer the rest of us up, no end! 

[Lesley Cox]

Well, we all do have days like this David, but it all could have been avoided if you had refrained from making weetabix mush in the first place. That's enough to give anyone a scunner at the day. I have mine (Weetbix here) slit down the middles, and spread with butter (marg at a pinch) and marmite. Much more appetizing.

[Maggi Young]

Well, we all do have days like this David, but it all could have been avoided if you had refrained from making weetabix mush in the first place. That's enough to give anyone a scunner at the day. I have mine (Weetbix here) slit down the middles, and spread with butter (marg at a pinch) and marmite. Much more appetizing.

when I eat weetabix ( not often) ....I like to eat 'em fast, before they get soggy....
Had never even thought of splitting them but now you've put the idea in my head, I'll have to try that.... and the marmite thing

Lesley, isn't "scunner" a wonderful word? Good Scots word, indeed!

[Paul T]

David,

You definitely didn't have a good day by the sound of it.  Hope tomorrow improves.  Bit of a chortle here at your expense though.  Sorry.

Tell you're wife she's a gem!! 

[Lesley Cox]

when I eat weetabix ( not often) ....I like to eat 'em fast, before they get soggy....

Lesley, isn't "scunner" a wonderful word? Good Scots word, indeed!

Which is WHY I never have 'em with milk. Soggy cereals are DISGUSTING!

Yes, Maggi, I like "scunner" too. Seem to be taking one at more and more things lately. Creeping old age I suppose.

[Tony Willis]

What an interesting discussion on weetabix. I start the day with two and some bran sprinked on them(I thought this was for rabbits but have been assured it is good for me), although I would prefer a full fat fry up. I am not allowed that for three reasons,firstly my health,secondly Gordons attack on my pension in his attempts to get me to join the fuel poverty group means I cannot afford it  and the third I have forgotten.

Anyway I float mine in milk until they turn into a slushy soup and eat it with a spoon.This will be good practice for the future for when I have lost my teeth and can suck it up a straw.

 I am writing this because yet again it is pouring with rain and gardening is impossible.

[ChrisB]

My technique is similar to Maggi's.  I eat them one at a time in a bowl, immediately after pouring the milk on them.  Hate them soggy.....

Not so sure about the word 'scunner' though, my brother (poor thing) lives in Scunthorpe and would not take kindly to it I reckon.  What does it mean in 'Scottish' then?